Heard a great joke on internet radio by Gilbert Gottfried;
A guy is walking along the beach, when he sees a woman with no arms and no legs lying on the sand, crying. He walks over to her and asks what's wrong.
"I've never been hugged before" she says. Thinking this is a simple enough request, the man hugs her.
As he is walking away, pleased with his good deed for the day, he hears her crying again.
He turns around and walks back to her. He asks her what's wrong now, and she replies, "I've never been kissed before."
The man again complies with her wishes and gives her a romantic kiss. Again he walks away but she starts crying again, and the man, slightly irritated, asks what's her problem NOW?
She replies, "I've never been screwed before" she says. So he picks her up and throws her in the ocean and says, "There, now you're screwed"